Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
