Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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