i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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