If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
