ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
