That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
