I didn't shave. On purpose
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
