sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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