made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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