the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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