I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
