If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
