Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
