i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
