He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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