I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
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I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
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Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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