I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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