Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
