I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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