Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
