Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
