This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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