If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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