Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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