Got a toothbrush?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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