So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
