somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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