When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
