That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
