just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
