So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
