Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
