69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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