Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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