And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
