so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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