Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
