I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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