There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
