just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
