C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
