So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
