Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize