Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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