so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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