i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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