I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
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Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
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For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money