Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.