I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
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from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
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And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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