What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
