Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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