um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
