Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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