i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
