Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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