there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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