we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
