covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
