Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
