I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Screwed.edu
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
