For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
