tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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