I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i drank out of a bidet.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
