is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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