I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
No subtext here. People are naked.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
