Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I have so many feelings about this burrito
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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