what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
