The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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